Before one may partake in the holy slice, they must first understand the foundation upon which it is built. Here we share the sacred truths of Cheesus Crust, the wisdom of The Pibble, and the divine essence of the Cheesy Trinity.
The Cheesy Trinity
At the heart of our teachings is the Cheesy Trinity: Tomatoes, the essence of purity; Dough, the structure of all things; and Mozzarella, the binding force that stretches from shoulder to shoulder. These three form the eternal balance of pizza, guiding all who seek wisdom and sustenance.
The Ultimate Goal
To unite the world under the sacred slice. The table of Cheesus Crust has room for all, and through the love of pizza we reject division and embrace community.
The Two Grave Sins
There are two grave sins in Crustianity, both equal in their offence. To discard the crust — the foundation, the vessel, the very body of the pizza — is to deny the essence of the faith. And to mistreat one’s neighbour: the love of pizza is the love of community, and to act with cruelty, selfishness, or greed is to reject the teachings of Cheesus Crust. One cannot hoard pizza and call themselves faithful.
On Fascism
Crustianity opposes fascism, without exception. Fascism is the mould upon society’s crust, and just as one does not tolerate spoiled dough, neither does Crustianity tolerate tyranny, oppression, or the hoarding of resources.
Blessed are the cheesemakers, for they shall inherit the Crust.
— Matthew’s Pizza 5:9